Human beings are social animals and we are evolutionary predisposed to be in the company of others . Human beings have biological & primitive need to belong to others our social needs ,need to affiliate with others. What better way to understand it than the fact that we are born out of another individual .
Relationships are central key to our survival . Social psychologists Roy Baumeister & Mark Leary (1995) illustrate the power of social attachments . For people everywhere ( no matter their sexual orientation), actual & hoped for close relationships can dominate thinking and emotions . Finding a supportive person in whom we can confide , we feel accepted and prized. It provides a feeling of nurture and warmth.
When relationships with partners ,family and friends are healthy , self esteem – a Barometer of our relationships – rides high. People are extremely desperate and ache for their own people and places , longing for love and acceptance relishes our well being .
Falling in love ,we feel irresistible joy and it is irreplaceable , we thrive towards it .
“I get by with a little help from my friends” – John Lennon & Paul McCartney, (1967 )
Our lifelong interdependence on one another puts relationships at the core of our existence .
However when you are deprived of this core need ,you can imagine it’s chronic long term effect . When our need to belong is thwarted , it is intensified . People exhibit heightened activity in a brain cortex area that also is activated in response to physical pain . It is an unsettling pain which can be filled only with support .
When you are rejected, neglected,given cold shoulder,octracised , excluded and shunned , ghosted , emotionally abused etc you are much more likely to be high on neuroticism , anxious , depressed , paranoid and agrressive . It impacts our social functioning , it leads to failure of interpersonal relationships.
Our irrational , persistent and intense fears and anxious states of mind can sabotage our need form healthy relationships . Fear is a silent killer ,it destroys our perception of love and to form healthy and happy interpersonal interactions with our significant others or with anyone for that matter .
Anxiety can work in curious ways and it impacts different relationships, all relations struggle sometimes when anxiety and intense fears and unpleasant emotions are at play. Fears can be of various kinds such as :-
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of intimacy
- Fear of commitment
- Fear of being perfect
Anxiety can be manifested in different ways such as :-
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Emotional Independence
- Emotional coldness
- Inability to be vulnerable
- Social anxiety
- Faulty attachment patterns
Fears and anxiety are detrimental to an emotional expression which in turn affects our functional relationships with others. The quality of a relationship is hampered and decreased followed by the touch of fear in boundaries of love. Either there is the suppression of fears and emotions OR excessive emotional responses any which way – both are inappropriate for a healthy relationship.
Clinical analyses have proven the association between prolonged periods of anxiety and fearful stimulus with impaired functioning of interpersonal relationships. Any form of anxiety have exhibited poorer relationship quality, interpersonal skills deficit, habitual maladaptive ways of relating to others, increasingly pessimistic and distress intensifying appraisals and diminished relationship satisfaction.
What can be done for healthier interpersonal relationships? How to efficiently manage our fears and forms of anxiety that interfere with the quality connections?
So there prevail assorted therapeutic techniques to strengthen the interpersonal bonds, let’s look at these :-
- EMOTIONAL REGULATION – First off, recognizing your own emotional requirements before you understand others emotions. Try to regulate intrapersonal subjective affective states and organize them accordingly. If you are not able to manage your feelings & thoughts, it is more likely that emotional signals about relationships are misconstrued.
- In order to be emotionally available for someone else and more agile to improve connections with your significant others, you have to have reflective regulation of emotion for oneself too.
- LOOK OUT FOR TRIGGERS –
- This is a salient factor in determining whether fears and anxious states are worsening your social ties or not. If you can be aware of your stress triggers, it will eventually help the individual to cope with it in a better manner and thus boosting connections with others too that were becoming a bottleneck initially due to underlying unstable psychological states.
- CULTIVATING EMPATHETIC APPROACH – not only having an empathetic attitude towards your loved ones and others but also towards yourself. Empathy is important because it is okay to be flawed and know your frailties and it’s more than okay to let your close ones know that too because that’s how any healthy relationship is planted and sustained. Tenderness and affection is a top-notch virtue to break through the fearful walls which are not uplifting you and your associated equations.
- STRENGTHENING SOCIAL SUPPORT – close relationships predict better health undoubtedly. There have been extensive investigations of people across several years and have reached a common conclusion: health risks are greater among more anxious, fearful, lonely people, people who experience more distress, sleep less well and are depressed.
- Compared with those who have few social ties, those who have close relationships with friends, kin or other close-knit community are less likely and susceptible to mental ailment and live happier lives.
Friendship is a sovereign antidote against all calamities. – Seneca, 5B.C-A.D65
- FACILITATING INTERNAL FRAME OF REFERENCE – Internal frame of reference here means to perceive through the lens of the individual’s point of view of the world. If we try to comprehend another person’s situation from their perception and microscopic opinion maybe we can help them in a better way. It is very important and it is difficult to do the perspective-taking especially when your internal frame of reference is inconsistent with theirs. But this is a salient effort one needs to put together to create a healthier psychological state and well-being of the individual. You can only help others when you are capable of helping your self first & that’s 100% valid. You need to be consciously aware of what bothers you and try to seek help if it is something you can’t handle all by yourself when you try to change your head space with deliberate effort and will power, it brings about higher self-efficacy and that leads to the favourable and desired impact on your relationships.
CATHARTIC INTERACTION – What do we mean by this is “talk it/out”, “vent out” your feelings, apprehensions, whatever bothers you. Communication is the king, you need to attempt to express your concerns to someone you can confide in, feel comfortable with and be able to open up. Cry it out, it’s okay, but let your people realize what exactly you are going through and this is how it is impacting them and their surrounding social connections. Sometimes what we fear the most is what actually is best for us had we not worried. It seems difficult to do but it works wonders, having your loved one by your side to ensure that you are going to get the help you require and you will be heard which will eventually make you even closer to your dear ones. Catharsis releases even your innermost, hidden and suppressed fears, worries beliefs and feelings/sentiments. In turn, it rather bolsters the bond and attachment you share with your loved ones. It is an effective strategy and it has a very very positive outcome on your wellness.
To conclude, these forenamed approaches have shown exceptionally amazing results. So one must try these steps to discern the concerns they are going through. Never be hesitant to seek professional help, it’s always a wise decision to take your mental health as a prerogative. Your relationships are what shape you, influence you, build you up, help you grow and achieve. Relationships make you feel secure and instills seeds of trustworthiness and happiness. Your struggles seem a bit smoother when you have a robust support system with you.
Always try to be prosocial, it harms nobody and boosts your overall health. Thank you & regards @Paridhi Talwar
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